The following was written by one of our friends. It was an editorial she sent in to her local paper. She was asked by the newspaper if it was real. This is the most accurate description of how it feels to care about someone on meth I have ever heard.
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Paranoia, anger, edginess, agitation, love, hate, nauseous, pain, resentment, shame, guilt, horror. Just a handful of words used to define the up and down emotional roller coaster you ride when a loved one is addicted to meth. Each day passes you by while you feel you’re simply in existence--of a living nightmare!
Your mask, which you wear so well in life—starts to crumble. You’re faced with the cold, harsh reality—they might not make it. You hold onto hope, but you know the reality of the statistics. You stand by their side, until; you get to the point of—are you willing to go down with them too? Let them hit “rock bottom” your told. What will “rock bottom” be—death, permanent brain damage, prison? You think-- the latter, of course, would keep them alive.
Before they perhaps were “the criminal”, they were “the meth addict”, before either of the two—they were, and still are, a human being, your brother, your sister, your parent, maybe your child. To just sit back and watch them slowly commit suicide is horrid—to be caught up in the “meth drama” makes you feel like your losing your mind. Sometimes, you think—a funeral would be so much easier—it would be done—it would be over. The pain might linger, but the chaos would stop. What an appalling thought to have.
You don’t know who to turn to—you’re afraid of “saying the wrong thing”. You hear, “they are an adult, they have to choose treatment”. You think to yourself, “Are you kidding me? How many meth addicts are capable of even making that choice?”
Finally, through never-ending tears, sleepless nights, a gnawing in your stomach like you wouldn’t believe—you’ve had enough. You don’t have a choice but to walk away—you have yourself, your kids to think about—you ban this person from your home—you spend a gorgeous sunny day—fighting off tears—writing this letter—trying to cope with the words/feelings above along with new one’s that have just entered into your world. I HATE meth!
Laurie B
I couldn't of said it better myself! I knew I wasn't alone...however, I still feel alone because of the secrecy. The emotional abuse by my husband is one of the worst things that I deal with because I am hurt by his words on a daily basis. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior towards me. "I shouldn't take everything so personal" is what he tells me over and over again. I know that it isn't me. I have researched this subject enough to know that his behavior is nothing but narcissistic addict behavior. I wish I could handle my emotions better...I cried when I dropped him off at a 21 day treatment....why!? I HATE METH too
ReplyDeleteYes I too agree. One difference in my situation is I have 3 grandchildren that I am raising and have custody of. Meth has taken their mother.I was having a hard time dealing with it myself. wondering if it was something I had done. But all the sites I have visited told me that it is not our fault. But I would wake up in the middle of the night and cry. So I new I had to do something.It was dragging me down so I had to make some hard decisions. I got to where I could not even concentrate at work. I had a lot of guilt I couldn't deal with too.Still do. But I am dealing the best way I can.
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DeleteI have an 18 year old daughter. She's on meth, this is new to me. I found out her ex boyfriend got her into this. I feel scared, lost and alone.
ReplyDeleteMaria, I understand what you are through it really hard i have a daughter who is 30 from 250lb to 130 very awful facial expressions bad attitude and to the point of saying is my fault for the way she is, she has been going in and out of jail now she is in jail now only this time she has to do little time like 30 to 60 days now she says she wants help we have tried to help her that but she ended up back in the streets, now im letting her be on her own, i cant look at her this way it hurts. So how is now?
DeleteMy husband has been like this for twenty five years. DisntD think it was serious to begin with as he went in and out of it. Now it's to the point where he says if I argued with him or if I annoy him or if I express my self he will go and take it. So he says it's my fault if he takes it. He says he will kill me and my family if I divorce him.
DeleteI feel like my husband's addiction to meth has effected me more than him. I feel lost dazed confused depressed anxious scared etc. I depend on him for just about everything because i have a hard time walking. it's like he is not him or someone else took his place. i am stuck. my family judges me because of it, the crappy people he brings around treat me like I am terrible, i feel judged by everyone like his meth use makes me a piece of crap. i don't think i could have ever predicted that at 47 years old i would be so desperate. he has no compassion or empathy kind of like the man i knew is no where. i am desperate. i have no money, no place, and zero support. what can someone like me do. i feel if i don't do something soon then i will end up doing something drastic because i just sit on a chair hour after hour, day after day and role all of this around in my head. I am suppose to get my hip replaced but he never can get it together to help. i truly don't understand how his meth problem is a way bigger problem for me. is there anyone or organization that can help me get out of this. i feel with all the anxiety and trying to figure out along with my self esteem really bad, it is going to just make me snap. i feel crazy. i feel extremly depressed. irrationally alone and helpless to the point i barely even shower. i really really need someone's help. when i mention meth, people look at me like i am disgusting and seem to blow me off. his friends or fellow users treat me horribly. he treats me horribly. it's not right. who can help me????
ReplyDeleteI am with your and I feel your pain
DeleteMy husband and I have lost everything including each other over his meth use. The will to get back up and try to repair the damage is disappearing! There is so much damage. I knew him before he started using and the difference is as night and day. he has gone from a loving and caring man to a man with no worries. i think of him often and wish he would so up as himself! the stuggle is real and it needs to be told
ReplyDeleteIve been loving a meth addict for ablut 3 years crim him leaving me pregnant proposing then leaving again he has left more times then i can count At fist i was in denial ofcourse this was new for me and i was blind now hes a xompletely different person hes cold and selfish its like im the enemy .I really thought i was alone in this and he tries to make me feel like im crazy to the point where i start to believe it .
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I love seeing blog that understand the value of providing a quality resource for free. meth addiction
ReplyDeleteFirst of all thank you so much. I have been chasing my dragon who is my husband. He is very addicted to meth. We lost do much financially. Lost a business that was doing well. I lost my trust in him... The ups and down of the crazy relationship has and still taking a toll on our family. It's sad he is not the person that I married. We have 5 children. He threatens suicide do much that I am just st waiting for it happen. I walk on eggshells with him. He is all over the place... does not make any sense. I love him and hate him for doing this to himself. I am at the point of ending our marriage and moving on. The kids need at least one healthy parent. Never touched this stuff and have Internet in ever doing so. It ruins so much.
ReplyDeleteAn addiction treatment center like ARC can help you or a loved one break free from meth addiction and take back control of your life. But first you need to speak up and ask for help. And statistics show this isn’t as simple as it sounds.
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Stayed 35 year's with a meth addict. After 10 i left. I thoight what better way to get him back than have an affair. But it drove us both nuts. Me going back and forth. Him stalking me back. The beatings the last 11 years i thought were my fault for cheating. I begged i pleaded. April he got busted promiced he was done. Yeah right. Instead of bitching i watched for 3 months the lies the tweaking all the time i could see the glass pipe in his pocket. Didmt say a word walked on egg shells daily. October 13th i had enough. I snapped. And snapped big. I wont give the details but i left. Since i left God has been so good to me. I was living with SATAN. After 35 years yeah 55 scared to start over. But im so glad i left. I told him to lube up because im taking him on the ride of his life. Not because i hate him. Of course i do. But because he deserves to brought down to reality either me death or ill make damn sure state jail keeps him for a while. A little bitter yeah. A whole lot better? Hell yeah.
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